Every single person I know wants to love and be loved; some might believe they are incapable of it, but I find that ridiculous. Everyone deserves to be loved in any way, shape, and form. It is true however, that you must love yourself before you love someone else. This means self-care, hope and faith in yourself, and learning (though I know how challenging it might be) to be happy and accepting of yourself. Of course, that’s only the first of the few but important factors to being happy in the best way with your (future) significant other.
The very foundation of a healthy and happy relationship. When was the last time you saw someone in a relationship that was self-abhorrent and at the same time irrefutably and obscenely happy in their ? I’m not saying it’s an absolute requirement to always be happy-go-lucky and have an incredibly positive image of oneself at all times, but would you rather be with someone who is always negative and hopeless? This doesn’t apply to just intimate relationships, but friendships as well. You want someone there for balance—someone there to stay at your side throughout everything good and bad.
If this were a healthy relationship, they would be your rock and support system: honest, comfortable, dependable, and trustworthy. They wouldn’t flee after the first disaster or chaos which is known as a “bad day” in your life. Imagine if you were having literally the worst day ever: you’re running late to all of your classes/work, you spill your coffee all over your new white button-up, you don’t realize there’s spinach stuck between your teeth, and everything is going completely wrong. Your newly-labeled boyfriend or guy you’re dating gives you no time of day after you’ve expressed you’re not doing well and are pretty upset about it. Tragic, right? Now I’m not saying that they must ALWAYS be there; there’s exceptions like if they’re busy at work or have obligations to do. It’s just a given that if you’re in a relationship, your significant other should give you the time of day and check up on you when they can. It’s all about trust and communication.
Now I feel it coming on—cue in the biggest eye roll happening while reading this paragraph. A good, stable relationship is based on trust and communication. Yes. Trust. The thing that very many people push past to believe and struggle with so hard, because well, shit happens and people ruin it for us. I get that it’s hard to completely trust someone that is new to your life and unaware of the kind of person you are; it’s like trusting a complete stranger to handle your life-altering situations—while not knowing anything about you. It’s even harder to trust them with your heart, and hoping and praying every single day that they won't just go on and break it. I’ve had my fair share of heartbreaks, and each one always seemed harder than the last. I’ve been lied to and cheated on multiple times, so it’s understandable to be hesitant to go on to the next person and let them in just like that. But that doesn’t mean you should generalize all possibilities of a future significant other to hurt you just the same. Along with that, if you see a future with someone, let them in. Tell them how you feel and what you fear; if they care enough, they’ll be understanding and cautious with your precious heart, I can count on it. Let them know what’s bothering you when it is; let them know your pet peeves, your troubles, your secrets, insecurities, and flaws; most of all, let them know how you truly feel for them. If it wasn’t right, then it wasn’t right. But, I do believe that everyone in your life is there for a reason—a lesson, if you will. Each person is a lesson, and you must not confuse a lesson for a soulmate. It’s like a situation involving high risks and high reward; it might even take multiple turns of heartbreak, but more times than not it will be worth it in the end.
Later into the relationship, some things get harder but a good portion—if the relationship is still in good shape—gets easier. You’ll be comfortable with your partner, and it even becomes quite routine in the best way. You get accustomed to their schedule, and learn to trust them a lot more. Both of you might even change and grow as a person, but you will definitely work through it if you love them. Along with that, you shouldn’t depend on each other too much, especially for happiness. To be in a good relationship means you can stand on your own as an individual, and that life is just better with your S.O. in it. Another thing to remember: choose your battles carefully. It’s good to fight with one another; there’s no such relationship without flaws, and it is better to let it out and be honest than let whatever bothers you build inside. However, not everything is worth fighting about. It would be a shame to lose a long-term relationship over an argument that started out so small.
Technically, not all of these things apply to a healthy, happy, and intimate relationship but I do believe this is what a good one could definitely build off of. Not only that, but most things I state apply to multiple types of relationships: intimate, friendly, and your own kin. What I can guarantee however, is that from the many different relationships and fallouts I’ve had and fell heartbroken over, I’ve learned these lessons and apply them to my relationships for the best outcome.